Choosing the Right Pastoral Coach
At Journey Pastoral Coaching, we learn as much as those whom we coach. One of the essential things we’ve learned is that the optimum coaching experience takes place with someone you have personally known for a significant amount of time. This is true because the key factor of a meaningful coaching experience is a relationship of trust. Nothing else is even a close second. Building this relationship with a coach can take time, and, sadly, sometimes that time is lost when you and the pastoral coach (PC) are simply not able to connect. That’s why it’s best to journey with a PC with whom you already have a relationship.
But if you have to “go shopping” for a PC, here are five important steps in choosing the right one for you.
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IDENTIFY
First, identify the fact that a PC is not a luxury. It’s a necessity.
A staggering number of young ministers quit the ministry during the first five years – in other words during the first two ministry positions. Studies demonstrate that one of the most effective actions a young minister can take to not just survive, but thrive, is to walk with an experienced PC – someone who knows the problems and pains of ministry (and has the scars to prove it!)
Paul David Tripp writes:
“Pastor, it is plain and simple: you and I need to be pastored. One of the scandals of hordes of churches is that no one is pastoring their pastor. No one is helping him see what he is not seeing. No one is helping him examine his thoughts, desires, words, and behaviors. No one is regularly calling him to confession. No one is delineating where repentance is appropriate. No one is reaching into his discouragement with the truths of the presence, promises and provision of his Savior. No one is confronting his idolatry and pride. No one is alerting him to places of temptation and danger in his life.”
Picture it this way: you’re walking an alpine path, surrounded by God’s presence and beauty. But the path is new to you. You took courses in hiking and wilderness survival, but this is the first time you’ve actually walked an alpine path. Wouldn’t it be great to have a guide who knows the way, a guide who knows when to encourage and when to challenge you? Someone who helps you learn how to make sound decisions, and how to use this particular journey in building strength for future journeys?
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INSIST
Second, confine your search to the universe of Christian coaches. Why a Christian coach?
There are two reasons. First, she has a Christian worldview, and so, lives in faith and obedience to Jesus Christ: she recognizes the authority of God’s Word, God’s sovereignty, the fall of man, salvation in Christ alone, the return of Christ and eternal judgment. The Christian coach understands the biblical values that are to not only guide our life, but are to form it. The Christian coach faithfully calls the minister to these standards.
The second reason to insist on a Christian coach is that he offers you a pastoral hand. God built each of us with a need for a father and mother: no one can give us what a father and mother do. Similarly, God built each of us with a need for a pastor: no one can give us what a pastor does. The proof? Jesus Himself in Matthew 9.36: “Seeing the people, He felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and dispirited like sheep without a shepherd.” Further proof is seen in the disquiet and drop-off that so many churches experience when they are without a pastor.
Even the vocational minister needs a pastoral hand in her life, that unique flow of God’s grace that comes through the life of an undershepherd of Jesus (John 10). There is a place in the life of the young minister for the counselor, the teacher, and the trainer – thank God for each of them. Just so, thank God for the pastoral hand, that human expression of the Good Shepherd of Psalm 23.
A pastor is someone who gives us soul care (Heb. 13.17) even as she teaches us how to care for our own soul. Wise is the young minister who walks through life with a pastor she can trust.
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INVITE
Third, invite the Holy Spirit – the One who called you to ministry – to guide you in this important decision and connection.
The phone book is probably not the first place to look for the right PC. Neither is your denominational phone book, ie, the list of denomination-approved coaches. It is a good place to look eventually, but before you randomly select names from a directory, it would be a good idea to invite the Holy Spirit to guide your search just as you ask Him to guide you in finding the right place of ministry or in making other important decisions.
Finding the right PC is something like finding the right mate. As a man and woman contemplate marriage, they may discover that while each of them is an exemplary person, they are not the right partners for each other: wonderful people, wrong partners. Just so, in contemplating your choice of a PC, you can be a quality minister and he can be a quality PC, but you can still not be right for each other: wonderful people, wrong partners.
Therefore, choosing a good PC requires wisdom. James 1.5 tells us that if any of us need wisdom, we should ask God, knowing that He always supplies it generously to His children. So, before you turn to the “denominational phone book,” begin your search by asking God to lead you to the right PC for you.
The Holy Spirit can help protect you from these “wrong marriages” as you pray. Even more, He can help guide you to a PC who is right for you.
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INVESTIGATE
Fourth, investigate the individual pastoral coach your are considering. Who is he? What is his track record in ministry?
Just because she has a certificate signifying she has passed a course or a resumé that includes pastoring a large church, it does not necessarily mean she is a competent PC or is the right PC for you.
One day I met a colleague who told me she had recently been certified by our state denominational leaders as a PC. She had completed their coaching course and so they were now recommending her as a qualified and competent PC. I must admit that it took some effort not to allow the surprise in my heart to register on my face. This individual personified practically none of the qualities necessary for coaching: her gruff and dismissive personality did little to recommend her. And yet, because she had completed a course, she was now a certified PC and carried the recommendation of leaders.
A quality PC is much more than a course or certificate, just as being a good mother or father is much more than completing a course or a degree in parenting.
A quality PC is much more than being the head of a large church. Some great pastors of large church are simply not gifted in the skills required of PCs.
So, investigate. Investigate the credentials and the resumé if you like, but more important, investigate the person’s history in coaching, in growing ministers in a one-on-one relationship.
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INTERVIEW
Fifth, and finally, when you’ve narrowed down your candidates to two or three, make an appointment to talk with each one.
Sit down face to face and talk, ask questions, and listen – really listen – to his answers. Even more, to his heart.
Here are the questions you’ll want to ask your prospective PC: what, when, where, how and why?
1. “What is you coaching approach?”
Is the PC focused on leadership skills, church growth or life development? Make sure you and your PC are on the same page when it comes to the what of your particular coaching relationship.
2. “When will we meet and how often?”
Is your appointed time set in stone or can it be adjusted as needed? Can you have access to the PC between appointments for special-needs sessions or 5-minute questions? Can you text the PC with questions?
3. “Where will we meet?”
In person or on the phone? At the PC’s office or a coffee shop? Make sure the “where” is conducive to accomplishing your coaching goals. While a coffee shop is a great place for lighter topics, it is no place to process the tough stuff. Nail down a “where” that works for you.
4. “How will the actual coaching session work?”
How will you spend your coaching hour together? What will you actually do? Will the PC assign material to read for discussion? Will she plan on teaching and ask you to take notes? Will your sessions be a conversation, and if so, will you suggest the topic or will the PC select it?
5. “Why are you willing to walk with me in a coaching relationship?”
Is it for the money? Is it because he is a PC and this is what PCs do? Or is it because he sees you, your call, your qualities, your potential and truly believes he can help you build for a lifetime of healthy and effective ministry?
CONCLUSION: INITIATE!
Pastoral coach, Stephen Baldwin writes,
“Of all vocations, surely the gospel ministry is the one whose paradigm is most radically formed by the dynamics of godly mentorship.”
The potential in pastoral coaching is literally without limits: the influence of the pastoral coach reaches in and through the individual, affecting not only her life, but all those to whom she ministers today and in the future.
How important it is then that each of us find a quality pastoral coach.
And that we begin.
The “I’s” have it: it’s time to find and walk with a quality pastoral coach.
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Saddled with large student debt, just beginning to set up homes and start families, and serving in low paying first and second positions, Millennials are those who most desire but can least afford to pay for pastoral coaching.
We are able to do so thanks to the faithful and generous support of individuals and churches like yours who want to see young leaders not only enter the ministry, but remain in the ministry.
Now, more than ever, we need your help.
If you or your church would like to help Millennial ministers across the US and overseas build strong for a lifetime in ministry, please click here to support Journey monthly or with your one-time gift. Thank you.
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