Self-Coaching: 20 Questions to Ask Your Client – Part I
I Samuel 30.6 records an incident in the life of David that speaks to every Christian leader:
“David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and his daughters.
But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.”
Who among us hasn’t stood on this ground? Distressed. People talking. Stones in hands. Grieved souls.
But David “strengthened himself in the Lord.” Instead of living in distress, instead of listening to people talk, instead of simply waiting for the stoning, David chose to strengthen himself in the Lord. One translation reads, “David encouraged himself in the Lord”: David took courage from the God who formed Him.
In other words, David engaged in self-coaching.
Coaching ourselves in the Lord is a critical life skill for ministers – as I Chronicles 20.6 indicates, we can’t always count on people to strengthen or encourage us in the Lord.
And while we’re here, this is another reason why we should find a quality pastoral coach: we all need someone who has stood on this ground, and so, can help us learn to encourage and strengthen ourselves in the Lord.
Encouraging ourselves in the Lord is one way we self-coach, one way we cooperate with God as He builds our lives for a lifetime of healthy and effective ministry.
This means taking a page from the playbook of pastoral coaches. It means learning to ask ourselves probing, thought-provoking questions – not just when things are going wrong, but even more importantly, when things appear to be going right. It’s one important step in self-coaching.
It’s not that we question ourselves as in doubting ourselves, but we question ourselves as in examining ourselves – our thought life and thinking, our attitudes and actions, our relationships and our reasoning. Our goal in asking questions is not to tear down, but to build up: to strengthen ourselves in the Lord.
You will notice that these 20 questions focus on the minister rather than the ministry. Anyone who has lived in vocational ministry for any length of time knows the reason why: It is as we build the minister that we build the ministry – to the glory of God, the strength of God’s people, and the salvation of those who are yet separated from Him.
So what kind of questions should ministers of the Gospel ask ourselves on a regular basis? This list is by no means complete, but here are ten of the questions (and their corollaries) I regularly ask the quality ministers I coach. In our next blog, we’ll present the second half of our 20 Questions to Ask Ourselves in Self-Coaching.
- How is way of living demonstrating the active Lordship of Jesus in my life?
Is my answer couched in general terms of intention or in specific terms of action?
- What are 3 of my “Jesus strengths”: 3 personal characteristics that most clearly reveal Jesus to my world (3 mentioned by significant others in my life)?
What are two of my “Jesus weaknesses”: two of my personal characteristics that hide Jesus from my world (and yes, quite possibly mentioned by significant others in my life)?
- What are three of my ministry strengths?
What can I do to maximize them?
What are two of my ministry weaknesses? What can I do to work on them?
- Who are my peer mentors?
Would they call me a peer mentor or do I only have an “imaginary friend?”
- Who are the voices speaking into my life today?
Are they healthy voices – are they challenging, encouraging, convicting, supporting, confronting, and affirming voices?
- When was the last time I talked with a ministry peer about my discipleship, about my life in Christ?
When was the last time I talked with a ministry peer about a shared discipleship and life in Christ?
- How active is grace in my life?
Can I describe where and how in specific terms or only in general terms?
- Did I meet with God today?
Did I read and reflect on the Word of God?
Did I worship, pray and meditate on the God of the Word?
- Is ministry for God in any way blocking my ministry to God? (ie, am I too busy at the wrong things?)
Am I in any danger of becoming an “action figure” – plastic, thoughtless, heartless?
How is my ministry to God actually demonstrated in my ministry for God?
- What is setting my heart and mind on fire today?
Journey Pastoral Coaching provides pastoral coaching to Millennial ministers.
Saddled with large student debt, just beginning to set up homes and start families, and serving in low paying first and second positions, Millennials are those who most desire but can least afford to pay for pastoral coaching.
So we offer it to them at no cost.
We are able to do so through the faithful and generous gifts of friends who want to see young leaders not only enter the ministry, but remain in the ministry. If you or your church would like to help Millennial ministers in 21 US states and 5 nations build strong for a lifetime in ministry, please click here to contact us by email or click on the link to support Journey through PayPal.
