Self-Coaching: 20 Questions to Ask Your Client – Part II
In Part I of Journey’s blog post on Self-Coaching, we briefly considered David’s habit of self-coaching, a discipline that sustained him through the pressures of leadership, issues like:
his own internal stress;
gossip against his person and leadership;
impending danger;
the attacks of the people he led;
the possible breakup of the community.
I Samuel 30.6:
“David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and his daughters. But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.”
We saw that David’s response was to strengthen himself in the Lord his God. Instead of living in distress, instead of taking complaints to heart, instead of simply waiting for the stoning, David chose to take strength and courage from the Lord, his God.
David engaged in self-coaching.
Self-coaching is disciplining ourselves to not only look to God in trying situations, but to draw strength from God. One way we do this is by asking ourselves wise questions, those questions that help us to assess ourselves and to determine exactly what particular strength and what wisdom we need from God.
In the first part of our blog on Self-Coaching, we offered ten questions every minister should ask his or her client on a regular basis – not just in the hard times, but at all times. As is true in pastoral coaching, the goal of self-coaching is not problem-solving but person building, not ministry repair, but minister development. The focus is not on fixing ministry situations but on building the minister for a lifetime of healthy and effective ministry. This is why it is important to ask ourselves questions like these in good times or in bad.
TWENTY QUESTIONS – PART II
In Part II, we offer ten more questions (and their corollaries) that ministers of the Gospel should ask ourselves on a regular basis.
- On a scale of 1 to 10, with TEN being the optimum, how ____________ am I?
Encouraged, hopeful, peace-filled, faith-filled, patient, healthy, conscious of God’s presence, conscious of God’s leading, transparent with others, etc.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with ONE being the optimum, how ___________ am I?
Lonely, isolated, angry, bitter, frustrated, frozen, discouraged, depressed, lifeless, etc.
What will it take to see that number move one step closer to the healthy optimum?
What can I personally do to move that number one step closer to the healthy optimum?
- If completely honest, how would my spouse or closest friend describe me and my life right now?
Would he or she say I am leading him or her further up and in to Jesus or that, in spite of the fact that we are in ministry, Jesus has no real relevance to our shared life?
- How healthy is my family?
Are my relationships with my mate and children healthy, sweet and strong?
- Am I making any decisions today that will harm my ministry tomorrow or in the days to come?
Financial decisions? Family decisions? Sexual purity decisions? Relational decisions?
- What, if any, are the secrets of my life that could destroy my ministry, and so, potentially devastate the lives of others?
Do you hide from coaching and questioning in order to avoid confrontation and change?
- What books and authors am I reading today?
Why am I reading them? Because they’re easy or because they challenge and build me?
Twenty years from today, what authors and what books will I wish I had read?
- Am I living a disciplined life, an organized life, one that demonstrates godly priorities?
In other words, am I living life by my priorities or by others’ urgencies?
If Jesus were to examine my schedule last week, what recommendations or requirements would He make in regard to my priorities?
- What are the external stressors in my life?
What practical steps can I take to manage them in healthy ways?
Am I talking to a coach or peer mentors about these?
- What are the internal stressors in my life?
What practical steps can I take to process them in healthy ways?
Am I talking to a coach or peer mentors about these?
- Am I living, and so leading from, a life of discipleship, a life that is actively, devotedly, and intimately pursuing the person of Jesus?
Am I leading from the flow of my being or is my leadership only learned techniques?
Does my doing as a leader for Jesus flow from my being as a follower of Jesus?
A FINAL THOUGHT
The Greek philosopher, Socrates, offers this telling observation on the importance of self-coaching, of asking ourselves thought-provoking questions when he said,
“The unexamined life is not worth living.”
That this is true for all people is clear. That this is not only true, but urgently true for a minister of the Gospel is eternally breathtaking, for our actions today will not only affect our ministry tomorrow, but they will affect an eternity of tomorrows for an infinite number of people.
This means that . . .
. . . self-coaching is not a self-focused practice, but one undertaken with our attention fully focused on the glory of God and eternal well-being of those for whom He sent Jesus to die on the Cross;
. . . self-coaching is not an ivory tower exercise, but a real life undertaking as we look within that God might use us in greater ways without;
. . . self-coaching is not a luxury for the few, but a necessity for all – each and every minister of the Gospel who dares daily to again answer the call to serve.
The only question that remains is, will you, like David, strengthen yourself in the Lord? Will you lean upon Him by learning from Him as you engage in the self-coaching practice of asking your client the right questions every day?
As you do, I pray that you, too, will be encouraged this day in the Lord, your God.
Journey Pastoral Coaching provides pastoral coaching to Millennial ministers.
Saddled with large student debt, just beginning to set up homes and start families, and serving in low paying first and second positions, Millennials are those who most desire but can least afford to pay for pastoral coaching.
So we offer it to them at no cost.
We are able to do so through the faithful and generous gifts of friends who want to see young leaders not only enter the ministry, but remain in the ministry. If you or your church would like to help Millennial ministers in 21 US states and 5 nations build strong for a lifetime in ministry, please click here to contact us by email or click on the link to support Journey through PayPal. Thank you.
