BEFORE WE REVEAL THE WHYS . . .

The number one killer of ministers is isolation. Isolated ministers – ministers who walk alone – don’t survive, much less thrive.  They may remain in the ministry, but they end up as one of two types:  the Hard and Bitter or The Cruiser (See Journey’s March 15 blog post to read more about it.)

“He could have eased his pain if he had had someone to talk to. . . . But he had a deeper problem: He had no one to listen to him at all.

He felt alone in the world.”  

Bruce Feiler

SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE BUT ALONE

Isolation is just as possible in groups as it is for the only minister in an organization or church. In fact, isolation can be even more prevalent in group settings. Why? Because the minister who works alone recognizes her potential for isolation and so looks for ongoing Luke 24 Emmaus Road partners and a path to a shared burning heart – accountability, encouragement, prayer, etc. 

However, the minister working in a group can mistake shared ministry activity for shared minister life. He imagines he is walking with others when he is only working with others.  

It’s the difference between walking the Emmaus ROAD and walking the Emmaus WAY.

“In a monthly meeting of pastors I lead . . . one man said, ‘Apart from you guys, I have never had a mentor in the ministry.’

Sadly, my friend’s experience is not unique.”

Stephen Baldwin

The ROAD results in two people arriving at the same destination but still isolated. The WAY results in two people arriving at the same destination, but receive much more: a shared journey, and relationship. This relationship will lead to deeper and stronger burning hearts with a shared heartbeat. 

Once the original Emmaus Road disciples of Luke 24 felt their hearts burn, they did not then go their separate ways. Neither did they stay in their self-focused, two-person world. At some personal risk, they ran to Jerusalem to find other disciples and further stoke the fire that burned in all of their hearts.

As God intends and according to God’s design.  

Isolation is the number one killer of ministers.  Sharing the journey of life in ministry at a heart level with others kills this killer. And it helps us survive.  Even more, it makes it possible for us to thrive.  

“A productive coaching relationship begins with two people with fires in their bellies:  one who wants desperately to move forward and another who yearns to help that person make the journey.”

James Belasco

KILLING THE KILLER

This is why we have built Journey Pastoral Coaching as we have. Journey is not just a regular phone call with the Journey coach. It’s much more: it is a coaching community in which everyone invests, and everyone receives a return according to his or her investment.  Monthly and special peer coaching calls, ministry to other members on our private social media platform, praying for others, and resourcing our coaching community.   

As a pastoral coach, I receive new requests for coaching from individuals who want me to walk with them.  When I share our community approach, many tell me, “This is just what I’m dying to find.” Many of our current members said something like this when they joined Journey. 

But others have recoiled at our “coaching community” approach:  they want to walk only with me without investing in others. “Can’t you make an exception for me?  Can’t you and I do something on the side?”  I refuse each of these requests. I will not cheat them of what they need; I won’t work against the way God has formed us.  Young ministers don’t need meon their Emmaus Road; they need to build according to the Emmaus Way, the Jesus way – one that includes a “gray hair” mentor and a circle of peer mentors. 

“When we are fortunate enough to be surrounded by healthy, functional, caring people, we tend to become like them.”

Lynn Anderson

THE SURVEY & THE QUESTION AT HAND

So, why do ministers isolate?  Why do we walk alone when God has built each of us for relationship and community – especially in ministry?  Why do ministers continue to reject study after study that says ministers who walk alone die alone (and with them, their ministries)?

“God has written the mentor concept into human nature and that is why the concept is written into the Bible.”  

Lynn Anderson

THE SURVEY

We offered respondents – Journey members and non-members – a list of forty reasons cited by pastoral coaches and mentors for why ministers isolate. Contact us for the complete list of forty reasons.  

We asked them to answer two questions.

Question 1: “Why do YOUNG MINISTERS IN GENERAL isolate?” 

Respondents were permitted to select more than one answer.  

1. Time – 57%

I’m too busy or use busyness as an excuse.

2. Energy– 55%

It takes more energy to come out of isolation than it does to stay isolated. I’m already tired.

3. Feelings of Insecurity– 49%

I don’t want others to see my low self-worth.

4. Feelings of Incompetency – 46%

I don’t want others to see my weak ministry abilities.

5. (Tie) – 42% 

Competition 

I struggle with comparing myself or my ministry to others.

Fear of Judgment

If they knew me, they wouldn’t like or accept me.

7. Disconnected Ministry World – 40%

We work in-house but don’t do relationships in-house; meanwhile, we have no connections with other ministries/churches for possible connections.

8. Activity Equals Connection – 33%

Mistaking ministry activity for minister connection.

9. (Tie) – 30%

Excuses

I just make excuses for not doing what I know I need to do.

Failed Attempts

I’ve tried to reach out and others don’t reciprocate; why keep trying?

“It’s exhausting to go through life pretending that you are better than you actually are.”  

Jimmy Dodd

Question 2:  Why do YOU PERSONALLY tend to isolate?  

Respondents were permitted to select more than one answer.  

1. Time – 58%

I’m too busy, or I use busyness as an excuse. 

2.  Too many demands on my emotional reservoir – 33%

Ministry depletes me, and I need to be alone.

3.  Energy – 30%

It takes more energy to come out of isolation than it does to stay isolated, and I’m already tired.       

4.  Fear of Judgment – 30%

If they knew me, they wouldn’t like or accept me.

5.  (Tie) – 24%

Failed Attempts

I’ve reached out, and others don’t reciprocate; why keep trying?

(Tie) Feelings of Insecurity

I don’t want others to see my low self-worth.

7.  (Tie) – 21%

Excuses

I just make excuses for not doing what I know I need to do.

Hurt

I was vulnerable with people and it came back to bite me.

9.  (Tie) – 18%

Competition

I struggle with comparing myself or my ministry to others.

Disconnected Ministry World

We work in-house but don’t do relationships in-house; meanwhile, we have no connections with other ministries/churches.

Activity Equals Connection

Mistaking ministry activity for minister connection. 

FINAL WORD

In his book, Serious Times, James Emery White writes, 

One of the more unsettling revelations to most Christ followers, particularly in light of our fierce individualism, is how many of the marks of a Christian involve other people . . . Following Him is tied to the “one anothers.”  

Young ministers can make it – and they will make it as long as they walk not the Emmaus Road but the Emmaus Way:  shared journey. The way Jesus showed us when He chose to leave the crowds of His early ministry and spend more time with fewer individuals. That approach rocked the world with the Gospel. And, individually, eleven of the twelve whom Jesus walked with made it, only Judas failing. Eleven out of twelve. That’s a lot better than our current approach and its current 5-10-5 average: 5 of 10 new ministers quit in the first 5 years. You can read more about the 5-10-5 Rule on our website.

If you have not yet read our previous post, “Staff Pastor Horror Stories,” please do so. It describes how sometimes you and I are the reason young ministers choose to walk alone.

If you’re an older minister, find a younger minister and grab a cup of coffee or share lunch. Plan to do it again.

If you are a lead pastor and have a pastoral staff, pour into them. Assign them the ministry responsibility of finding peer mentors and a pastoral coach outside of your church. Even put pastoral coaching for them in your church budget.

Finally, if you’re a young minister in a church by yourself, reach out to ministers around you. If you’re on a pastoral staff, reach out to those around you, to team members with whom you serve, your lead pastor, your denominational leaders, a pastoral coach. Many of us are waiting for your call.   

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NOTE: Journey Pastoral Coaching exists to provide pastoral coaching to Millennial ministers.

Saddled with large student debt, just beginning to set up homes and start families, and serving in low paying first and second positions, Millennials are those who most desire but can least afford to pay for pastoral coaching.

So we offer it to them at NO COST: Our members do not PAY for coaching; they EARN it.

We are able to do so thanks to the faithful and generous support of individuals and churches like yours who want to see young leaders not only enter the ministry, but remain in the ministry. If you or your church would like to help Millennial ministers in 20 US states and 5 nations build strong for a lifetime in ministry, please click here to contact us by email or to support Journey monthly or with your one-time gift. Thank you.

We also invite you to click and subscribe to our twice-monthly blogs at journeypastoralcoaching.com

“In the early years when I was becoming a pastor, I needed a pastor.” 

 Eugene H. Peterson, The Pastor: A Memoir