A Christmas Wish List for Pastors
I am a pastoral coach. I have the joy of pastoring young pastors every day, all day, pastors of all kinds: lead pastors, church planters, staff pastors, missionary pastors, and even pastors of pastors.
I love what I am called to do with my life because I love pastors, and I love and greatly respect every one whose journey I am privileged to share.
Many years of pastoring have taught me much about myself and pastors in general. I know our weaknesses and our strengths. I know our concerns and our confidences. I know our hurts, and I know the help we bring to people. I know our hopes and our dreams. I know the prayers – if you will, the wishes – that we lift to God, the heartfelt “if onlys” we raise to our Heavenly Father.
Especially at Christmas.
So, from a heart of love for Jesus, His church, and pastors, this Christmas, we at Journey offer “A Pastoral Christmas Wish List” for churches everywhere.
1. Protect his day off each week.
The Bible calls it the Sabbath, and the Bible commands it.
Yes, even for pastors. No, Sunday is not pastors’ Sabbath; it is a workday for them.
Therefore, make sure your pastor has a weekly Sabbath and takes it. Talk with each member of your church board and ask him/her to hold your pastor accountable on this vital matter.
There are at least five reasons why this is important:
1. The Bible commands it. We could stop right here, but we’ll continue…
2. Your pastor is not God, so your church doesn’t need him/her seven days a week; even God rested the seventh day from His work (think about that, Pastor, before you work seven days a week);
3. The Bible teaches a Sabbath lifestyle, “resting in God” as a way of life. If we are too busy to take a day off, we are not resting in God as a way of life. If we are living a resting-in-God lifestyle, we will use the rhythm of time as a meter to help us experience it;
4. Your pastor needs his family, and his family needs him;
5. Your church needs a refreshed pastor.
2. Give your pastor a book budget
Imagine giving your pastor the tools he/she needs to give you what you need! Giving your pastor a set amount of money each year to purchase study books is a great investment in you, your church, and the kingdom of God.
I wish I had had this when I was a local church pastor. I wish I had it now as a pastoral coach!
3. Give your pastor a three-day prayer retreat
Three days away every three months in the presence of God, in the Word and prayer, refresh a pastor in ways that cannot be described or imagined. Three days, four times a year, to follow the example of Moses on the mountain, David in the desert, and Jesus all of His life – drawing away to dive into the depths of God.
Can you imagine how this will bless you and your church!
If your pastor protests, you do the research. Find retreat centers in your area, talk with the board, and see to the expense.
4. Celebrate Pastor Appreciation Day or Month
One of my favorite times of the year is the month of October, when our pastoral coaching ministry has the opportunity to invite churches across America to celebrate their pastors.
Yes, your church board can write your pastor a check to present in the Sunday worship service, and the money is always appreciated. But ask yourself, “Where is the appreciation part of the equation?” It’s easy to write the check, but how are you letting your pastor and his/her family know you love them and appreciate their ministry? Yes, write the check. But be sure to wrap it up with a lot of visible, tangible, teary love and appreciation.
My personal preference was that my church boards forgo the check and instead let the church know in September that Pastor Appreciation was coming in October. Every member was encouraged to make their appreciation personal – a card, a note, a gift, or, yes, a check. Disclaimer: I should tell you that I probably came out on the short end of the stick as to cash in my pocket after Pastor Appreciation was over. But I came out way ahead in that those who chose to express their appreciation made it personal. Yes, a check is good, but I’ll carry these treasures of personal appreciation in my heart forever.
5. Make sure your pastor has a minimum of 4 weeks of vacation per year
Now that I have your attention start the new pastor with three weeks of vacation a year. Then move vacation time up to a fourth week in the fourth year as appreciation for his/her longevity of service, as encouragement for even more longevity. Your church can leave it at four weeks or gift your pastor more vacation based on the length of service.
Studies say your pastor works 50-70 hours a week, six days a week, on average. Burnout is a plague among ministers. Many aren’t surviving, much less thriving. The work your pastor does is intense: it is soul work; it is eternal work. And it is often stressful work: matters of life and death. Consider too the effect that pastoral burnout has on churches – not only when the pastor has to resign, but even during his/her time of stressed-out service to the church.
Know also that many of the holidays you enjoy are still workdays for pastors, scheduled or unscheduled. As a local church pastor (and now as a pastor of pastors), I’ve worked many Christmas Eves, Christmas Days, July 4ths, Labor Days, Memorial Days, etc. Some were church services, dinners, and events. But others were spent with hurting families in their homes, hospitals, and funeral homes. Others were spent in the office with church members who couldn’t see me any other time.
6. Send your pastor to a conference each year
And pay for your pastor to go – all expenses.
One church I served had members who considered ministry conferences to be personal vacation time for me. If I attended a conference on pastoring, church, or church administration, they saw it as vacation time and my personal financial responsibility.
A legitimate conference or seminar is an investment in your pastor, and so, in your church. Why then should your pastor be expected to pay for it with vacation time and his own money? Would you use your vacation time and your own money to attend a conference for your employer? Because it is an investment in your pastor, and so, in your church, the church should make this financial investment.
Not only will the content of the conference bear fruit in the life and ministry of your pastor, but it will bear fruit in his heart as he sees your enthusiasm for the church and investing in its future.
By the way, it took a few conversations, but I was able to help the church members I mentioned to see this issue from another perspective.
7. Insist your pastor has a pastoral coach
And be sure the church pays the expense.
Here’s what Paul David Tripp has written on the subject:
“Pastor, it is plain and simple: you and I need to be pastored. One of the scandals of hordes of churches is that no one is pastoring their pastor. No one is helping him see what he is not seeing. No one is helping him examine his thoughts, desires, words, and behaviors. No one is regularly calling him to confession. No one is delineating where repentance is appropriate. No one is reaching into his discouragement with the truths of the presence, promises and provision of his Savior. No one is confronting his idolatry and pride. No one is alerting him to places of temptation and danger in his life.”
In short, no one is helping you keep your pastor healthy; no one is helping your church keep your pastor. Studies show that the most important step a pastor can take to survive and thrive in ministry is walking with a pastoral coach or mentor. It’s an investment that pays for itself over and over again.
8. Make sure your pastor has a generous pay package
The goal is not to make your pastor financially wealthy but to financially free him/her to focus on the work of the Gospel. A pastor who is overly concerned about his family’s wellbeing cannot give full attention to the ministry. And he’s not able to stay at your church or sometimes even in the ministry.
I have coached young ministers who put in fifty hours at the church during the week and still have to hold down a part-time job to take care of their families, purchase health insurance, or pay off student loans. Some have made it through the year on help from their families and the gift cards given them by church members at Christmas and Pastor Appreciation Day. This is not providing for a pastor. This is not the will of God.
A true shepherd has no desire to become financially rich pastoring you. A true shepherd, like the Great Good Shepherd, is willing to lay down his life for the sheep. And faithful followers of Jesus are willing to joyfully and generously take care of the undershepherd God has given them as a gift (Ephesians 4).
9. Love your pastor’s spouse and feed your pastor’s marriage
Remember the special days of your pastor’s spouse – birthday, years of service at the church, etc. My wife and I did not prefer this to take place during the Sunday morning worship service, but we did sincerely appreciate our admins and/or boards posting a note of appreciation for my wife in the church bulletin. And we greatly appreciated the personal cards and gifts of love that church members gave her.
Give your pastoral couple a “time away” retreat for no reason except love. Scout out and reserve a nice B&B, a cabin, or a getaway at the lake, mountains, or beach – whatever. One year, the women’s ministry in our church gave us a wonderful getaway to a B&B in the Amish country of northern Indiana. The gift itself, and the care given in choosing the gift, meant so much to us.
When you honor your pastor, honor his/her spouse. Your pastor’s spouse contributes more to your church than you could possibly imagine – and without a salary, probably.
10. Give your pastor and family the grace you want to receive from them
Keep the critique to a minimum and cut out the complaints completely.
“Do all things without grumbling or disputing.” Philippians 2.14
While pastoring a large and vibrant church, I received a three to six-page email from a church member every Monday, one in which he gave a scathing play-by-play review of the Sunday morning service. No part of the service escaped his whip. Yes, I confronted him about his critical spirit and actions, and yes, the board also confronted him. Many times. All to no avail. He was determined to be not just stones in our road but boulders. I learned to file his emails in my digital trash bin and encouraged my board members to do the same. But this didn’t solve the real problem: the man’s critical spirit. That was what troubled me as his pastor, especially as I saw the pain it caused him and his family.
Two more thoughts on loving your pastor’s family. First, don’t play the “Pass-messages-to-the pastor-through-the-spouse” game. Her skill set is much higher, and your responsibility for difficult conversations is even higher.
Second, don’t “PK” the pastor’s children, expecting more of them than you do of your own children or other church children. Yes, their parents are pastors, but that doesn’t make them different or set different standards for them. Neither does it give you the right to raise them or tell your pastors, “Your kids are pastors’ kids; they should . . .” Your pastors’ children are children like all of the other children in church. Love them by letting them be children.
11. Keep phone calls to your pastor’s house or cell to a minimum
How minimum? Call only for emergency or essential matters.
Questions on what time events begin, when an event is scheduled, why the light bulbs in the foyer haven’t been changed, when will the walls in the youth room be painted, etc. – questions like these can be asked during office hours or of others.
A rule of thumb: call your pastor at home as often as you hope your workplace calls you at home.
12. Sabbatical
A Sabbatical is not a longer-than-usual vacation.
It’s not a time to get away to write a book, attend conferences, take a leadership course, finish a degree, or work in any form. The word “Sabbatical” is a form of the word “Sabbath,” so taking a sabbatical to work defeats the purpose.
A Sabbatical is an extended Sabbath with the sole purpose of rest. The pastor renews his/her heartbeat in the biblical teaching and Holy Spirit-led experience of learning to rest in God as a way of life. Because ministry is an all-consuming calling, often a 24×7 lifestyle (despite the instructions above), the pastor needs seasons in which he or she can actively refresh the soul in resting in God – not only during the Sabbatical but as a way of life in ministry. Sabbaticals are seasons of retuning the soul to the tone of the Spirit, realigning our spiritual heartbeat to the rhythm of the Spirit.
How often should a pastor take a Sabbatical? A case can be made from Scripture for once every seven years. How long should the Sabbatical last? From one to twelve months. Wisdom says anything less than three months falls short in giving the pastor needed time to truly sabbath. Anything more than one year probably leaves sabbath and leads to leisure. In most cases, three to six months is recommended.
A Sabbatical is a season in which your pastor can rest in the Lord, learn how to rest in the Lord as a way of life (especially in the busy, stress-filled life of ministry), and return to ministry duties strong. It’s a win for the pastor, the church, and the kingdom of God.
Before I “wrap up” this gift of Sabbatical, I can read your mind. You’re saying, “That sounds great, but how can our church afford it?” A fair question because the expense of paying your pastor will remain in place even though he/she is gone from the church.
There are at least three possible solutions:
1. Budget for it – set aside funds each month to pay a retired pastor to serve your congregation;
2. If your church is blessed with a good staff pastor or pastors, there will be no expense to you;
3. Contact a charity or foundation whose mission is to help churches like yours provide Sabbaticals for your pastor. The Lilly Endowment is one such organization. You can contact them by clicking here.
FINAL RIBBONS ON THE PACKAGE
Consider the following statistics on pastors, furnished by SoulShepherding Ministries:
- 90% work 55 to 75 hours per week
- 90% feel fatigued and worn out every week
- 91% have experienced some form of burn out
- 70% fight depression
- The average seminary trained pastor lasts five years in professional ministry.
When pastors are over-stressed their marriages and families suffer:
- Over 50% say that the most destructive event in their marriage and family was entering the ministry
- 80% wish their spouse would choose another profession
Pastors get so preoccupied caring for others that their own souls suffer:
- 70% do not have a close friend
- 50% do not regularly meet with an accountability partner or group
- 44% do not regularly take a day off
- 85% have never taken a Sabbatical.
Would you do anything to help your pastor if he or she experienced burnout and was ready to leave your church or even the ministry? Of course, you would! So why wait until burnout happens before you intervene? Do it now before burnout to see that it doesn’t ever happen.
Steward your pastor’s life and ministry. We steward our finances, our buildings, our grounds. Isn’t it time we steward our most valuable earthly resource: our pastors?
“It seems like you want us to spend a lot on our pastor.”
No, not spend on; invest in.
This investment you make will not only be in your pastor, but in yourself, your family, your church, and the world, wherever the Gospel goes, in Jesus’ strong name!
Let’s make it a truly merry Christmas in 2021 for our pastors and churches!
Saddled with large student debt, just beginning to set up homes and start families, and serving in low paying first and second positions, Millennials are those who most desire but can least afford to pay for pastoral coaching.
We are able to do so thanks to the faithful and generous support of individuals and churches like yours who want to see young leaders not only enter the ministry, but remain in the ministry.
Now, more than ever, we need your help.
If you or your church would like to help Millennial ministers across the US and overseas build strong for a lifetime in ministry, please click here to support Journey monthly or with your one-time gift. Thank you.
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