An Open Letter to Journey Pastoral Coaching Members

I’ll say it yet again: The number one killer of ministers is loneliness.

And loneliness is skyrocketing among young adults. It’s leading to record numbers in depression, self-harm, the inability to connect, and even suicide. Suicide rates for young males (ages 15 – 24) quadrupled between 1946 and 2006; rates doubled for young females over the same period.

File the following under “Things I Never Imagined”:

“Kay Hymowitz wrote in City Journal in 2019: “Loneliness, public-health experts tell us, is killing as many people as obesity and smoking. … Germans are lonely, the bon vivant French are lonely, and even the Scandinavians — the happiest people in the world, according to the UN’s World Happiness Report — are lonely, too. British prime minister Theresa May recently appointed a ‘Minister of Loneliness.'”

“Minister of Loneliness!?” 

Yes, “Minister of Loneliness.”

We know this refers to a top-level government official, but the double meaning is striking for those of us who lead God’s people.

God built each of us for relationship and community. When I – and we – don’t live according to the manufacturer’s instructions, we all suffer the consequences, individually and societally. And this is especially true for ministers. Even when ministers do try to live according to the manufacturer’s instructions, we can still struggle with loneliness. As study after study continues to demonstrate, ministers don’t seem to do relationships well. And as study after study shows, ministers pay the price for not doing them well. Givers of life to those whom we lead, we wonder why someone doesn’t reach into our world and rescue us.

WHAT CAN ONE PERSON DO?

We launched Journey more than five years ago to help kill this killer called loneliness. Journey is formed as it is to help young ministers build strong for a lifetime of healthy and effective ministry. That includes living in meaningful relationships with others, having life-giving connections in our lives.

In 2019, Journey saw a large number of those connections established and strengthened. The tools we used to emphasize and build relationships:

1. Coaching Calls With the Journey Coach

I, the Journey Coach continued to push you toward relationships with others, in Journey and outside of Journey;

2. Emmaus Calls

Not a coaching week goes by that a member doesn’t tell me about a powerful Emmaus Call, a new relationship, a connection that happened through our Emmaus Calls;

3. Special Calls

On your own initiative, members made calls to each other (some make one or two a week); for whatever reasons – a post on Slack (our private social media platform), someone came to mind in prayer, etc. – you reached out and established a connection;

4. Private Social Media Platform Interaction

You posted, and you responded to posts on Slack – the General channel, Random Channel, Prayer Requests Channel, Praise Reports Channel, Fun and Connections Channel, etc.

5. The Journey Cohort

Members connected personally in 2019 as we met each month to learn more about coaching others;

6. Resourcing

The resources you posted for each other on Slack led not just to messaging and phone calls, but to conversations and friendships;

7. Journey Retreats

Significant, strong, and lasting relationships were established in our 2019 retreats. You told me so at the retreats, and you told me so at the end of the year. New attendees in 2020 told me that the two greatest values of the retreats to them are the strong presence of God and the connections made.

WHAT LIES AHEAD IN OUR SHARED JOURNEY

For 2020,

First, We double down on Emmaus Calls

Do them; do them well; I will be more diligent in asking you about them;

Second, we double down on Slack, our private social media platform

Be active on Slack: introduce yourself to people; encourage people; celebrate people; give them a call;

Third, we double down on reaching out to each other.

In my 2020 set up announcement, I drew a line for being a part of Journey in 2020: a commitment to actively and proactively invest in others.

The reasons were two:

a. My schedule is significantly busier today than it was one year ago.

As you know, I accepted a ministry role outside of Journey (you know why). That said, I must and will steward my creation and call – I will not risk putting an end to the end of my ministry due to health issues;

b. More important, Journey is a coaching community, built on the Pauline principle (Romans, I Corinthians, Ephesians, etc.), that we come to the body of Christ not first to receive, but to give/serve/bless/build/invest.

This is not only each one’s commitment as a member of Journey; it is our lifeblood as ministers.

FINAL THOUGHT

Since January 1 – 15 days ago – I have already heard from three young ministers at risk. Each one in tears. Each one desperate for coaching from me and for peer relationships. All three serve in staff positions.

Not only have multiple experienced ministers of my age refused them, but multiple ministers of your age have refused them. They are lonely. They are isolated. They are dying even as they live to give to others.

Sadly, Journey membership is full, and we have a waiting list to join. But you are doing something to address this need: because you are in Journey, you not only have access to relationships with peers, but you have stepped up to the line to give life to peers – through relationships.

An end to loneliness and isolation for all. That is this pastor’s prayer.

And especially for those who have answered the Creator’s call to carry this message of relationship to others. Each person can have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. And, as a son or daughter of God, we are a living part of the body of Jesus Christ – blessing, serving, encouraging, challenging, comforting, healing.

In Journey’s annual retreats, we retrace the journey of the Emmaus Road disciples as recorded for us in Luke 24. In this journey, we discover and uncover four significant actions that take place in the lives of two followers of Jesus Christ. Each action is independent and yet connected. All of the actions work together to bring each disciple into powerful relationship with Jesus Christ and with other disciples of Jesus. (Note: you’ll have to attend one of next year’s retreats to learn what these actions are.)

Looking at our lives through the lens of Luke 24, we have this assurance as we walk this Emmaus Road together – together – Jesus will meet us there.

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Special Note: We invite you to purchase our recently released book, “When the Call Comes,” written to help ministers as they walk with those who mourn. Unexpected, or after an extended illness, there is no pastoral responsibility, or privilege, that compares with shepherding people as they say their final goodbyes and mourn their loss. “When the Call Comes” helps pastors serve those who mourn, from the initial call to the end of the funeral.  We address issues like:

“What is the purpose of a funeral and how do I conduct one?”

“What is my role as a pastor, walking families through grief?”

“What should I say when I meet with the family?”

“What do I do in the case of a difficult death: suicide, violence, or infant death?”

“Why do we conduct funeral and graveside services?”

“What do I do when ‘the call’ comes?”

You can read the preface to the book by clicking on this link or you can purchase your copy by clicking here.

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NOTE: Journey Pastoral Coaching exists to provide pastoral coaching to Millennial ministers.

Saddled with large student debt, just beginning to set up homes and start families, and serving in low paying first and second positions, Millennials are those who most desire but can least afford to pay for pastoral coaching.

So we offer it to them at NO COST: Our members do not PAY for coaching; they EARN it by investing in each other.

We are able to do so thanks to the faithful and generous support of individuals and churches like yours who want to see young leaders not only enter the ministry, but remain in the ministry. If you or your church would like to help Millennial ministers build strong for a lifetime in ministry, please click here to contact us by email or to support Journey monthly or with your one-time gift. Thank you.

We also invite you to click and subscribe to our twice-monthly blogs at journeypastoralcoaching.com

“In the early years when I was becoming a pastor, I needed a pastor.” 

 Eugene H. Peterson, The Pastor: A Memoir