A WEDDING:  WHAT AND WHY

I recently had the honor of walking my daughter down the aisle in her wedding, and of officiating this most wonderful of life events. The couple and I worked together to write their ceremony from start to finish, and a beautifully meaningful ceremony it was, emphasizing the biblical and the practical.

As pastor and papa, I did insert one surprise in the wedding: words of blessing prayed over the couple by four of their closest friends. Making it even more special, my daughter’s childhood best friend from Belgium was able to join us, delivering a very moving prayer over the couple. Though it was in French and few understood the words, everyone understood the sentiments. There were few dry eyes in the chapel as these friends prayed blessing on the bride and groom.

The ceremony included a clear telling of the biblical teaching on marriage, complete with its creation by God and the responsibilities and privileges given the husband and wife – all seasoned with practical counsel on walking together as “one flesh” in this life, our eyes ever on that eternal life to come.

After the wedding, many remarked on the beauty of the ceremony and the richness of the content. Attendees said how wonderful it was to hear a clear reminder of the biblical revelation on marriage. Many thanked me for taking the time to teach the couple, and all in attendance, the biblical truth concerning marriage. Two couples even said we had helped their marriages. People who are rarely in church thanked me, some with tears, for the biblical teaching on the origin of marriage, the duties and blessings of the couple, and the wisdom on living in a happy and healthy marriage.

I was gratified to hear this.

We were blessed to have a good number of European friends join us for the happy occasion. As MKs, our daughters grew up in Europe and the friendships of their youth have continued to this day: these people are both family and friends to us. What a blessing they have been and continue to be.

As we spoke with these European friends after the wedding, to a person they asked if all American weddings were so “brief.” We replied, “Most are even more so, lasting between twenty and thirty minutes.” “Really?” they said, “Even Christian weddings?” Nodding our heads affirmatively, we said, “Yes, even Christian weddings.”

Our European friends expressed sadness at this, saying, “But a wedding is far too important to take place so quickly. We must all be reminded of the deep meaning and the significance of what is happening in this moment with God and of what it means to be married. This kind of teaching can’t be done quickly and this kind of understanding doesn’t come in a moment: the church needs to insist on it and repeat it again and again, in weddings and in church life.”

“Amen” to that.

 

A WEDDING:  CUT OUT THE “EXTRA”

However, there was one among us who was not in agreement.

This individual let me know not once, but twice, that I, and a colleague who had a brief part in the wedding, had taken too long to marry the couple: all the teaching wasn’t necessary. This person expected a “get ‘em in, ‘get em out” wedding ceremony of vows, rings, pronouncement and presentation, one free of all the “extra stuff.”

Sadly, this individual has been a a committed Christian for many years. This believer, like many Christians, has lamented the assault on biblical marriage and gender taking place in America today: the breaking of the marriage covenant, divorce, gay marriage, gender confusion, transgenderism, etc.

“They’re destroying the country! It’s in the schools, the media, the government, and even in the church,” they cry. “Someone should do something about it,” they repeatedly cry out.

And they’re right, someone really should do something about it: not just rant and rail about it, but do something about it; not just attack the confusion and the confusers, but do something constructive about it.

 

A RADICAL IDEA

I have a thought: What if we could get believers and unbelievers to come together in one room at one time and do something about it? Something like hearing what the Bible teaches about marriage – its origins and design, and how to have a healthy, fulfilling marriage? Form the teaching around a “magic moment” when a man and a woman respond to the teaching, make vows to God and each other, and then seal it all with the exchange of rings and a kiss before being sent out with the well wishes of friends and families to begin their new life together – in other words, teaching with a living object lesson that presents the biblical teaching and then drops it down eighteen inches from our heads into our hearts?

What better time to do it than in a wedding? And what better place than in the house of God?

What better time than when people gather to witness the marriage vows of two people they love? What better place than in the house of God, in the presence of the God who gave marriage, the God before whom this couple is coming to establish their wedding covenant?

Is not a wedding in the house of God the time and place to review and reexamine what the Giver of marriage says is actually taking place before our eyes in this most sacred of moments, the joining of two individuals into one flesh as an expression of the creation of God?

Is not a wedding in the house of God the time and place to repeat and reiterate the serious commands God gives to the couple and the blessings which He offers them as they keep those commands – before they take sacred vows of covenant-making with God and with each other?

Is not a wedding in the house of God the time and place to recount and rehearse the godly wisdom essential to honoring this marriage covenant, and so, fully experience all the love and joy of this wonderful gift in marriage God has given to a man and a woman?

But I guess it’s easier to rail at the TV or engage in social media diatribes against what we don’t believe in, rather than come around the fire of God’s truth and allow it to be a light to our path and warmth to our souls.

A thought: maybe, just maybe, instead of living in attack mode on what we do not believe, it’s time to live in affirmation mode, declaring what we do believe, stating what the Bible does affirm.

Again, what better time than a wedding, what better place than in God’s house? And what better audience than a gathering of believers and unbelievers?

 

SURRENDERING OUR VOICE

In recent years, the church has lost most of its voice in American culture. The reasons are many and none of them are to be discounted. But at the head of the list must be the church’s willful surrender of its authoritative voice. What do I mean? Simply this: the primary message in far too many pulpits today is no longer Jesus Christ and His Gospel. We are no longer obeying His command to teach His commands and to teach people to obey all He has commanded (Matthew 28.20).

 

“HOUSTON (AND ALL OF AMERICA), WE HAVE A PROBLEM”

The proof of this statement is made evident in a 2016 Lifeway Research study, the repeat of a 2014 study. Any hopes that the church had become more faithful to biblical teaching did not materialize: the 2016 study revealed a “continued decline of adherence to the fundamentals of the faith.”

Pastor, with your eyes on the next wedding you officiate – or even on this Sunday’s sermon – carefully consider just NINE of the shocking findings of that study, keeping in mind that these numbers do not reflect the beliefs of Americans in general, but of Americans who identify themselves as evangelicals:

Note: historically, evangelicals are those whose believe (1) the Bible is the only inspired and authoritative Word of God, (2) the finished work of Jesus Christ on the Cross is the sole means of receiving God’s forgiveness of sins and of receiving eternal life, and, (3) a personal conversion to Jesus Christ, a conversion based on Scriptural teaching alone, is essential to salvation.

 

71% of Evangelicals believe Jesus to be God’s first and greatest creation;

48% of Evangelicals believe God accepts the worship of all religions;

60% of Evangelicals believe the Bible is the highest authority for what they believe;

30% of Evangelicals believe the Bible was written to be interpreted as each person wants;

60% of Evangelicals believe Jesus Christ’s death on the cross is the only act that can remove the penalty of personal sin;

54% of Evangelicals believe only those who trust in Jesus Christ alone as their Savior receive God’s free gift of eternal salvation

39% of Evangelicals believe their own good deeds contribute to their salvation;

52% of Evangelicals agree that sex outside of marriage is sin;

32% of Evangelicals believe that gender is a personal choice.

 

Studies like these demonstrate that the subjects of marriage and gender aren’t the only areas of confusion in the church: we are confused about the very nature of Scripture and what it teaches.

And this means we have a problem. A deadly problem.

 

GOD IS NOT SILENT, BUT AS TO GOD’S CHURCH . . . 

Once upon a time, pastors brought strength to believers’ daily lives and assurance regarding eternal life with the words, “The Bible says.” We spoke meaningfully to life’s challenging issues with the words “The Bible says.”

But over time,

“The Bible says” became “I think the Bible means,”

Which became “I think,”

Which became “I feel,”

Which became, “Here’s what the culture says and here’s what we should think or feel about it.”

The church has become reflectors on culture more so than on Christ. Our focus and fixation on culture rather than on Christ tells us why believers are so confused about God’s truth and the issues of our day – issues like marriage and gender, issues like eternal life and how to receive it.

The voice of the church is willfully Wordless, its authoritative message silenced by its own ignorance of the Word of God, an ignorance brought about, in large part, by fast food pulpits. Believers no longer even bother to carry a copy of the Word of God into the House of God for the Worship of God (And no, it’s not because they’re reading along on their phones.) Nine of ten evangelicals no longer read their Bibles on a daily basis.

 

HEART MATTERS

If only Psalm 119 were believers’ experience today:

“Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight.” v.35     

“I reach out for your commands, which I love, that I may meditate on your decrees.” v.48

“Oh, how I love your law! I meditate on your law all day long.” v.97

“I have more understanding than the elders, for I obey your precepts.” v.100

“I love your commands more than gold, more than pure gold.” v.127

“I open my mouth and pant, longing for your commands.” v.131

“Great peace have those who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble.” v.165

If only Psalm 119 were the experience of those who fill church pulpits today.

 

A FUNERAL

To empty our pulpits of the clear, careful and methodical teaching of God’s Word is to surrender our voice. And to surrender our voice is to surrender not just the issue, but the souls of people. 

Rant and rail against the culture all you want on social media or in your pulpit, but maybe it’s time to retell and retell and retell again what the Bible teaches, ie, the truth.

“So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have.” II Peter 1.12

And yes, that includes what the Bible teaches on marriage. And for that, there’s no better time and place than a wedding in the house of God.

This title of this blog post is “Reflections on a Wedding and a Funeral.” So, where is the funeral, you might be asking?

Right here: any church that doesn’t get this right is writing its own funeral before the God of Heaven who has charged it with teaching the truth. Worse, it is helping to write the eternal funeral of the people who depend on that church for the truth.

In weddings, funerals, church pulpits, living rooms, and coffee shop conversations, let the church seize every opportunity to teach all the things Jesus taught us, and let us teach people to obey them.