Those Who Get the Least From Pastoral Coaching
In a recent Journey blog post, we addressed the question, “Which young ministers get the most from walking with a pastoral coach?” Based on our years in coaching, as well as the expertise of other pastoral coaches, we were able to identify twelve qualities that mark the young minister who thrives as he or she walks with a coach.
After reading and reflecting on that piece, someone asked me this question, “If young ministers like these get the most from pastoral coaching, what do those who get the least from pastoral coaching look like?”
An intriguing question, to be sure. And to anticipate what you may be thinking, no, the answer is not found in merely stating the opposites of the twelve positive qualities. It’s not quite that simple.
So, again drawing on our own experience in coaching and with the help of others in this ministry, we address the question, “Which young ministers get the least from walking with a pastoral coach?”
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Jesus Fans
Jesus is in their lives but is not the center of their lives.
They’re fans, not followers. They’re dilettantes, not disciples.
Jesus is not the passion of their life and ministry: yes, He’s, like, a priority, like, but not their like, passion. They do not live pressing in to seize that for which Christ Jesus has seized them (Phil. 3.12).
Jesus fans take their lead as much from cool as from Christ, as much from culture as from Scripture, human chameleons who take on themselves the nature of the crowd they happen to be with at the time. Not to worry, though, because they, like, believe in Jesus, so everything’s cool.
Jesus fans live outside the Holy of Holies: they don’t rest in the presence and provision of God – the coach’s reminders of all God has given them in Christ fall on deaf ears and “carnalized” hearts.
Jesus fans live outside the Holy of Holies: they don’t set themselves in the refining fire of God, and so, they’re not about to let a coach lead them into challenges and corrections.
Which young ministers get the least from walking with a pastoral coach? Jesus fans: Jesus is in their lives, but not at the center.
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The Non-voyagers
Those who are unwilling to go in among the dragons.
The recently created legend is told of a time when people considered life beyond the horizon and imagined it to be filled with dragons: “Here be dragons.”
The non-voyagers of the pastoral coaching world are those who won’t admit the existence of dragons in their life: the specific dragons of temptation and sin. These stand on the shores of insecurity, afraid to identify and take on the monsters that live in the darkness of their denial. Rather than take on their dragons, they stand on the shores of their talents and skills to present a façade of strength to those whom they lead.
But what they deny in the light remains real in the darkness nonetheless: when it comes to temptation and sin, we can run but we can’t hide. Therefore, to help us live the life God intends, and to lead others as God intends, someone needs to help each of us confess, repent, and refresh in the grace of God. A failure to do so doesn’t magically make the dragons disappear; it empowers them.
Which young ministers get the least from walking with a pastoral coach? Non-voyagers: those who are unwilling to deal with the dragons of their life. They won’t let a coach challenge them in the one area of life that can actually separate them from God – even in ministry for God.
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The Illusionists
Those who try to misdirect our attention from what is really happening.
In Information Technology, there are programmers who are specialists in obfuscation: Obfuscation Specialists. In simple terms, these programmers mask information so that it cannot be uncovered by outsiders while still being usable by insiders.
A necessary skill in this age of computer hacking. A suicidal skill in ministry.
In pastoral coaching, we also have obfuscation specialists, ministers who mask information in order to prevent coaches from understanding what is really at work in someone’s life – the “whys behind the whys.” Like a magician or illusionist, the obfuscation specialists use every means at their disposal to misdirect our attention from the real issues to the shields of fire, smoke and screens that disguise and conceal the truth from our recognition and examination.
In simple terms, illusionists make excuses for themselves.
They focus on the past and why it prevents a new future. They focus on others and how those others are keeping them from succeeding. They focus on events rather than themselves as the issues of life. They’re protestors of all that’s “against” them in life rather than proclaimers God’s sovereign guidance. The fault is always with someone else – unappreciative people, impossible circumstances, a lack of support, the absence of resources, etc.
Which young ministers get the least from walking with a pastoral coach? Illusionists. Those who walk into the area of the coaching conversation draped in a silk cape, magic wand in hand, ready to talk and walk you into his illusion as he misdirects your attention away from the truth to what he really wants you to see: a fluffy white rabbit coming out of a shiny black hat.
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The Front-stagers.
Those who won’t admit anyone to the back stage of their lives
One of my daughters is exceptionally talented in all things theatre: acting on stage or producing back stage: she just shines. My wife and I have always enjoyed her work, and proudly complimented her and her colleagues on their productions. Most respond with a simple “thank you,” but now and then, one of them will say, “I’m glad you didn’t see backstage: it didn’t look anything like the front of the stage.”
So is life for far too many ministers: the back stage doesn’t look anything like the front stage. What people don’t see of our private life bears little or no resemblance to what they do see of our public life. After all, if they saw the character we have, they would never accept the character we play. And so, in the insecurity that actors often say is their bane, the front-stager hides not behind the screen, but in front of it, his or her mask firmly in place.
Front-stagers. Posers. People who play a part. They don’t want to admit, much less address, the backstage character issues of their life: They don’t want to see what they don’t see and they don’t want a spiritual director or coach to go there; they’re not about to let anyone look behind the curtain.
Which young ministers get the least from walking with a pastoral coach? Front-stagers: those who not only act on the front stage, but also refuse to let anyone behind the curtain of their back stage reality.
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The Action Figures
Those who define themselves by doing rather than being.
Vocational ministry lends itself easily to self-examination. And too often to self-recrimination: so much of who we are is wrapped up and expressed in what we do. Those who define themselves by who they are in Christ thrive while those who define themselves by what they do for Christ are fortunate to survive.
Action figures focus more on their doing than on being, how to do rather than how to be and become. They focus more on ministry than on the minister. Bible study is more to prepare sermons about God than it is to feed our devotion to and desire for God. These are the careerists, the called ministers of the Gospel who have transformed into professional clergy, perpetually running away from home when it comes to being children of God.
Action figures measure themselves by cultural (the Bible calls it “the world”) standards of “success”: Sunday service numbers, sermon “likes,” and event buzz, rather than by faithfulness to Christ, the fruit of the Spirit, and growing in the image of Jesus. Though they would never admit it, in their heart of hearts they know it to be true: ministry success is more important to them than minister growth in Christ.
Which young ministers get the least from walking with a pastoral coach? Action figures: those who define themselves by what they do, rather than by who they are. They won’t let a coach call them back onto the grid of their creation in Christ: focusing first on being in Christ so that they might then do in Christ.
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The Anointed Ones
Those who are the exception to the rule.
The anointed ones are the exceptions to the rule in two ways. First, history has little to teach them and, second, while others have to play by the rules, they don’t: they are the special ones.
These individuals counter the wisdom of others with one answer – “I am the exception”:
“I know what 21 centuries of Christian wise men and women say, but . . . ;
“I know what the sages of the Old Testament have written, but . . . ;
“I know what research and studies say, but. . . :
“I know what human nature says, but . . . ;
(And even sometimes) I “know what the Bible says, but . . . “
The anointed are self-focused: it’s all about where they come from and where they are going. Only those who fit in their flight plan have a place in their path, and only those who serve that flight plan will be allowed to share it. Or better said, follow it.
The anointed see themselves as leaders, bosses really, but they don’t do well with authority – either exercising it or sitting under it. They haven’t learned that the first qualification of a good leader is being a good follower. But because they are special, they don’t see why they have to serve any kind of apprenticeship, learn the ropes, or do things they don’t want to do in ways they don’t want to do them: others have little to teach them, and so for them, the rules do not apply.
Which young ministers get the least from walking with a pastoral coach? The anointed ones: those who imagine themselves to be the exception to the rule. A pastoral coach has little to add to their journey.
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The Experts
Those who know everything.
These individuals explain and give answers more than they explore and ask questions. They rarely answer questions, “I don’t know.” They use the coaching conversation as an occasion to demonstrate their knowledge and proficiency rather than to hungrily discover and humbly grow. The reasons? Possibly pride: “I am;” possibly insecurity: “I am not.”
Whichever is the case, they are have to demonstrate their expertise in order to justify themselves.
Whichever is the case, it prevents building strong for a lifetime of healthy and effective ministry.
Whichever is the case, the expert knows too much (or too little) to accept even gentle reproof, correction, or instruction.
The experts are effectively unteachable: after all, if they know everything worth knowing, what can others teach them?
Which young ministers get the least from walking with a pastoral coach? Those who don’t need coaching. Or at least think they don’t really need a coach even as they walk with one.
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The Lost
Those who are in the wrong room.
The Lost are those who don’t come to the pastoral coach for coaching. They come instead for . . .
Counseling
“Help me with my personal problems, help me fix my past and present;
Cheerleading
“Give me a pep talk, a motivational ‘fire-me-up’ each time we talk;”
Career mentorship
“Tell me how to do pastoring rather than how to be a pastor, how to grow my ministry results rather than how to grow myself as a minister;”
Conversation
“We don’t have to focus on growth, goals and the future; we can just talk about whatever.”
They come for any reason except coaching: “help(ing) people clarify, to see through stuff, and help them become who they really are” (Daniel H. Pink), and “help(ing) people make decisions, evaluate their lifestyles, build new boundaries into their lives, reconnect with God, and feel hope again” (Gary Collins).
For whatever reason – respect for the coach, a requirement that they be in coaching, building resumé – the lost want to remain in the wrong room. They don’t understand or don’t care that real coaching is not about the past, but the future. It is not about problem solving but on goal setting. Coaching is not focused on job skills, but personal development.
Coaching is about a more experienced minister joining your journey and helping you discover, develop, and live out your creation and call in Jesus Christ.
Which young ministers get the least from walking with a pastoral coach? The Lost, those who are in the wrong room. They will always be disappointed with coaching, expecting what it cannot deliver.
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The Truants
The Non-students.
Truants have little appetite for serious learning. They are erratic readers of the Word of God. They have little interest in reading solid books about the Word of God or even reading at all. Their libraries are social media and TV. When it comes to feeding their souls, truants give little thought to learning from the wise men and women of 21 centuries, preferring sugar and spice to solid meat.
I had a student in college who admitted to me that he had never read a book. In his life. A college student. In other words, he thought he was better off not learning all he could than he was learning all he could. An even more alarming problem: I’ve shared this story with young ministers whose response was, “So?” Thankfully, only a very few. Of them, Mark Twain wrote: “The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.” In mind or in soul: a mind and a soul are terrible things to waste and to waste away.
Bottom line: truants give little thought to obeying the Bible’s call to worship God with their minds. They prefer the mental idolatry of worshipping lesser things with their mental energy; they see no need to supply fuel, i.e., truth and wisdom, to the fire of God’s anointing. And yet, they claim God’s calling and authority to lead and disciple His people in the truth that has come from above, the truth that God has commanded to be written down for us to then read and study, the truth that God’s people have, from the beginning, written about in order to help us understand the truth and how to live it.
Which young ministers get the least from walking with a pastoral coach? Truants. If the sages of 21 centuries don’t have anything to say to the truant, what can a pastoral coach add?
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Les Paresseux
Paresseux is a nice French word meaning lazy or slothful.
When it comes to building strong for a lifetime of healthy and effective ministry, the paresseux are uncommitted, unmotivated, and undisciplined. They keep their coaching appointment when it is convenient. They do little to prepare for the coaching call and during the call, they do not give the call their complete attention.
Where many who walk with a pastoral coach keep journals or form lists of topics and questions for the coaching conversation, the paresseux depend on the coach to set the agenda. Or they just want to talk about “whatever.” Where others bring goals and plans, the goals of the paresseux are non-existent “I don’t know” goals or nebulous “I just want to get better” goals.
The paresseux rarely read the materials we provide or suggest – the Journey blog, other blogs, books, podcasts, etc. – and only work when required to do so – they do it out of duty, rather than from desire or delight.
The Apostle Paul wrote that he pressed in to seize that for which Christ had seized him. Not so, the paresseux. You may or may not be able to push them to press in, but if they do press in, it will only be out of duty, not of desire for, and certainly not of delight in Jesus.
Which young ministers get the least from walking with a pastoral coach? The paresseux: they can’t be bothered to passionately and with discipline pursue their creation and call.
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The Eeyores
Those who see a dark cloud in every silver lining.
You know Eeyore. He’s the donkey pal of Winnie the Pooh and Tigger. Where Tigger is full of bounce and always expecting the best, Eeyore is the opposite, firmly ensconced under every dark cloud he can find – they don’t find him, he finds them! Eeyore is president of the “misery loves company” crowd.
And, sad to say, there are those proclaimers of the “Good News” of Jesus who not only love their dark clouds, but seem to willingly inhale and exhale them: negative attitudes, expectations, reactions.
I once ministered in a group of ministers who could have called themselves the Eeyores: every idea, inspired thought, and suggestion was met with, “It won’t work.” When we asked if the idea had been tried, the entrenchment only deepened, “No, but we know it won’t work.”
How does a pastoral coach walk with someone who knows something won’t work even before he or she tries it? Little wonder then that their poor attitudes drive them and their ministries into low altitudes. Little wonder that their negative expectations – low as they are – are rarely attained. Little wonder that their negative reactions breed negative actions.
Which young ministers get the least from walking with a pastoral coach? Eeyores. It’s hard to help someone see the light when you can’t convince him or her to come in out of the rain.
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The Lone Rangers
Isolationists.
Far and away, the number one killer of ministers is isolation. In the face of this fact, lone rangers imagine themselves to be leaders who are in need of no one. The Scriptures are clear in telling us that God built us for interdependent relationships and for community, but the Lone Rangers think they are the exception to creation’s rule and God’s instructions.
But, because of appearances or because their immediate supervisor or board requires it, the lone ranger will walk with a pastoral coach. I say “walk” but there is little shared journey: the lone ranger rides into town – and into coaching conversations – alone and he leaves alone.
But the numbers don’t change: 5 of 10 new ministers give up in the first five years; those that do make it past the magic 5 years may have survived, but many do not thrive. Many of these will eventually walk away. Others will stay, but they will spend the rest of their days in ministry cruise control, just going through the motions. Others will stay, but only by becoming careerists, professional clergymen, no longer passionately living as pedal-to-the-metal, called out sons and daughters of God.
All when study after study says that the single most effective action step ministers can take to survive and to thrive is to walk with an experienced guide who knows the ground they walk on because they have walked it themselves.
Which young ministers get the least from walking with a pastoral coach? The lone rangers: those who are determined to go through life alone, even if they “journey” with a pastoral coach.
THE LAST OF THE LEAST
Who gets the least from pastoral coaching? The answer is easy: those who bring the least to it; those who invest the least in the opportunity given them to walk in what the Bible and human history identify as one of the single most important actions a young minister can take to not just survive but thrive.
The opportunity of building your life and ministry with a pastoral coach is like that of building an investment portfolio at your local bank: the more you invest, the more you build, and so, the more profit you make. If you invest a little, you can’t expect large returns.
Just so in pastoral coaching, those who invest the least in being coached always get the least from it.
Saddled with large student debt, just beginning to set up homes and start families, and serving in low paying first and second positions, Millennials are those who most desire but can least afford to pay for pastoral coaching.
We are able to do so thanks to the faithful and generous support of individuals and churches like yours who want to see young leaders not only enter the ministry, but remain in the ministry.
Now, more than ever, we need your help.
If you or your church would like to help Millennial ministers across the US and overseas build strong for a lifetime in ministry, please click here to support Journey monthly or with your one-time gift. Thank you.
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