When I entered full-time ministry I wasn’t naïve. But I was idealistic. In our twenties, most ministers are. I believed in the goodness and sovereignty of God, the truth and promises of His Word, the salvation and power of the Gospel, the beauty of the church, the privilege of serving in ministry. I believed in these things.

I believed in them then and I believe in them today, even more than I believed in them thirty plus years ago.

But I am no longer idealistic. Neither am I pessimistic. I am what I call an “optimistic realist”: I see things as they are even as I expect, look and work for the best.

What has happened over the years to turn my idealism into optimistic realism? Life. Ministry. Life and ministry in a too, too real and truly fallen world.

All of the beautiful things I most believe in remain absolutely true. But other less beautiful things also remain true: the fallen nature of man, the fallibility of humans (me included), the fact that Christians are still people, the incalculable influence the world and its priests in the media, education and entertainment have on Christians.

I could go on, but you get the point: I still believe in the most beautiful of truths even as I have learned (and often learned the hard way) the least beautiful of truths.

Many in the ministry don’t make the transition from idealism to realistic optimism.   In fact, most who begin in ministry don’t survive. Too few of those who survive in ministry thrive in ministry.

This word is for the young minister, along with my prayer that you will not just survive, but thrive. Here are my ministry-saving timeless truths for the young minister, lessons I have learned along the way and far later in my life than was necessary. My advice to you is to learn them now when you are young. You can, you know. Do so, for your sake and for the sake of those whom you lead.

 

1. Tend your own soul as if your life depends on it (Because it does).

Robert Murray M’Cheyne writes, “Your own soul is your first and greatest care.”

First care. Greatest care.

The reasons for tending your own soul with first and greatest care are many, but consider these two primary reasons.

First, you can’t give what you don’t possess in yourself: empty soul, empty minister; empty minister, empty ministry. Empty ministry, empty people.

Smooth runs the water where the brook is deep, wrote William Shakespeare, in King Henry the Sixth.

Second, God is your life, your breath, your blood; it is in your soul where God meets with you, feeds you, grows you. God created you for the very purpose of enriching your soul.

You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body. C.S. Lewis

I cannot overemphasize the importance of tending your own soul. I list it first because it is of first importance for you, man or woman of God.

Tend your soul. Feed your soul. Care for your soul.

 

2. Be a disciple: walk in the spiritual disciplines. 

Holy habits are that: the disciplines, the routines by which we stay alive and focused on Him. At first we choose them and carry them out; after a while they are part of who we are. And they carry us. Mark Buchanan

Just as I cannot overemphasize the importance of tending your own soul, I cannot overemphasize feeding your soul through the means God has provided: The Spiritual Disciplines, the soul habits that have formed disciples for 2100 years.

Everyone knows The Big Two: Word and Prayer. Heaven knows that we counsel others often enough to read God’s Word and prayer. But do we?

God’s Word: study it; meditate on it; pray it; believe it, do it – not as ink on page, but as lifeblood for you.

Prayer: Learn the way of prayer and so earn the place of prayer. Jesus had multitudes of followers, at least seventy-two disciples, and twelve apostles, He taught twelve the way of prayer. But he invited only three friends to join Him in His place of prayer in Gethsemane. He has taught the way and opened the place to you. Go. Pray. Be With Jesus.

But the list of disciplines is more complete than simply The Big Two of Word and Prayer. Learn, love and live all of them: disciplines like solitude, fasting, study, meditation in the Word, worship, service, guidance and others. Work them until they work for you. Push them forward in your life until they begin to pull forward your life in Christ.

For help in the spiritual disciplines, read Richard Foster’s classic text, Celebration of Discipline.

 

3. Rest in grace

No one is safe by his own strength, but he is safe by the grace and mercy of God. St. Cyprian

How I wish I had learned this lesson when I was young: God accepts me.

No, I mean He really accepts me. There really is no shadow of turning with God and there really is no shadow of turning with God and His acceptance of me. Amazing.

He accepts me because He is grace and He accepts me by giving me grace.

God accepts me. And not just on the day of salvation, but every day.

Even when I fail Him, God gives me grace. God gave me grace so I would not sin. But knowing that I would sin, God has even given me grace when I do sin: I can come to Him for grace, for forgiveness and cleansing (I John 1.9). By His grace, I can come to Him knowing that He accepts me still. Amazing Grace.

He accepts me. And He gives me grace even when I am so far from perfect.

Rest in grace. Rest in grace so deep, so profound, so overwhelming, so sure that you forgive yourself when you sin. And you accept your full and free acceptance by God.

Rest in grace. Rest in grace so profound, so powerful, so vast, so awesome, so certain that you forgive others when they sin. And you accept their full and free acceptance by God.

Whatever we do, we have His grace. We have His relentless grace. Rest . . . in His grace.

 

4. Give yourself to relationships.

Life is relationships. Even with God. You may be surprised to read those three words, “even with God,” but we all know too many people who believe in Jesus Christ even as they have little or no relationship with God. And, sadly, many ministers, too (just between us).

It’s incredible that God has forgiven me my sins and given me eternal life. Absolutely, inconceivably, amazingly, completely, unbelievably beyond all comprehension, incredible.

But that’s not God’s point, it’s not His goal or endgame, it’s not all of the Gospel.

The Gospel is not only in what God does, but in who God is. The Gospel is God, good and holy, gracious and loving, giving Himself freely to me by making a way for me to know Him even after I was born separated from God by sin. And then even after I continued to work feverishly at separating myself from God through my own ongoing, willful sin, God still gives Himself freely to me.

The Gospel is about God offering Himself to you and me. It’s about relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

Our God is a God of relationship: God in three persons, blessed Trinity, is one with Himself. And so, as an expression of Himself, God creates and calls us to give ourselves to relationship with others.

Not social media, not TV, not movies, not sports, not work, not money, not video games, not success, not hard work, not security, not position, not going viral with our name or fame.

God has created us and called us to give ourselves to people, flesh and blood human beings.

A baby is born and cries for his parents. Though he is unable to express himself in words, his heart cry is clear in its desire for his parents: touch me, hold me, speak to me, be with me. Only one treasure can satisfy this little life days, weeks, months old: Mommy and Daddy. I know it’s true because I’ve seen it.

And I’ve seen the end of life when aged men and women cry out for their mate, a daughter, a son. Unable to express themselves in words, their heart expression is clear in its desire for those whom they love: touch me, hold me, speak with me, be with me. Only one treasure can satisfy this person months, weeks, days, or even moments from the end: those whom she loves. I know it’s true because I’ve seen it.

Don’t clutter the years with life’s throwaways. Don’t pile the days high and heavy with things. Fill your days and years with people. Enrich your life with relationships. Family. Friends. People you know and, for heaven’s sake, people you don’t know. Say hello to unknown friends on the street. Greet someone in the coffee shop. Sit down with a senior citizen after church or even better take her to dinner.

Give yourself to relationships.

 

5. Fall in love with your mate every day.

For almost 35 years now, I’ve referred to my wife constantly as my bride. Not just to her but to others. I even have friends who’ve joined me in this, often referring to Tricia as my “bride”: “How’s your bride?” “Say hello to your bride for me!” “Hug your bride for me.”

For almost 35 years now, I’ve referred to my wife constantly as my girlfriend. Not just to others, but to her. “Are you my girlfriend?” I’ll ask. “Forever and for always,” she replies.

Why do I do this?

It’s my way of telling her I love her. Not just as my wife of 35 years, but as my new today girlfriend and my “can you believe it!” brand new bride.

There’s nothing more exciting than new love. And there’s nothing sweeter and stronger and richer and real than . . . mature new love, 35, 45, 55 years of Bride and Groom love; 35, 45, 55 years of Girlfriend and Boyfriend love.

We may be older than when we met, but there’s no reason why our love has to grow old and stale; it can be new and fresh every day. That happens as we focus – and as we work – on falling in love again every day. Think of it! Out of all the men in all the world, this incredible woman chose me! She chooses me again today and I choose her: “Will you be my girlfriend?” I ask her again. “Will you be my bride?” I dare to inquire. “You, my love of a lifetime, will you fall in love with me all over again today?”

Arthur Pinero writes, Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.

Fall in love again today with your mate. Make sure you live and die forever young.

PS: It’s not just for the sake of your ministry or even first or second for the sake of your ministry. It’s for the two of you in this wonderful gift of God called marriage. Rejoice with the wife (or husband) of your youth (Proverbs 5.18). And do so all the days of your life.

 

6. Grow the Gospel rather than the church

Why this obsession with growing the church? Why this mania with increasing the number of attenders in the clubhouse? Why are we so hardwired to equate large numbers of church attenders with successful church ministries? Why this obsession with growing the church?

Yes, I know: every attender is a soul and what we are really focused on is souls.

Absolutely and a resounding amen. But . . .

The problem with church growth. Jesus never commanded His disciples to grow the church; He said that He would build His church. Paul did not teach us to grow the church; he said we are to strengthen the church in faith and in holiness, but he said nothing about numbers of bodies in seats. The early church did not seek to grow the church; they said they were focused on being the church.

The answer to church growth: Jesus did command His disciples to grow the Gospel in people, all people everywhere. Paul did instruct his young church leaders to grow the Gospel in people, all people everywhere. The early church did seek and work to grow the Gospel in people, all people everywhere. Even in the church.

Grow the church and the Gospel may or may not grow in people everywhere: it depends on what you’re growing your church on.

But when you grow the Gospel in people, especially in the church, the church will grow. In faith and in numbers, it will grow.

 

7. Walk with a mentor-coach.

Joshua walked with Moses. Elisha walked with Elijah. Paul walked with Barnabas. Timothy walked with Paul. Mark walked with Peter. The Twelve walked with Jesus. The list goes on.

In other words, pastoral coaching is not a recent development. It is a biblical life principle.

Especially for leaders.

A coach is not a technical expert. Neither is he or she a methods-maestro.

A coach is someone who has successfully – through successes & failures – walked where you are walking. A coach is a wise guide, an experienced navigator in the life-ministry journey you are taking.

Think of it this way. You are walking through a forest you do not know. The forest is both exciting and daunting, exhilarating and challenging. You’ve been trained to walk through forests, but this is your first forest or the first time you’ve walked this particular forest. You love the journey and yet there are questions: which path to take, how fast or slow to walk, how to take your nourishment from the trail?

If only there were a guide, someone who has spent his or her life walking forests – not just learned about forests from books or taught about forests in classrooms, but someone who has actually walked forest trails. Someone you know and trust. Someone who knows and trusts you. Someone who would join your journey, giving insights while leaving the journey decisions to you.

Some studies say that 5 in 10 who begin in ministry will leave the ministry within the first 5 years. Other studies say that 9 out of 10 who begin in full-time ministry will not finish in full-time ministry – only 1 in 10 will survive. And far too many of the 1 in 10 who do survive do not thrive. Their life, marriage, family, and ministry are set on survival as a best-case scenario. Isolation, loneliness, fear, numbness, hurt, anger and bitterness are the fruits of the spirit they know too well.

If only there were a pastor-coach who could join their journey. Who would join your journey.

Find a wise guide to join your journey. He or she is not your hope and salvation but they know the One who is. And they’ve walked this way before. They know the journey you are on. As they join your journey, they can help you not just find your way, but make your own way, with the Lord of your journey.

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NOTE: Journey Pastoral Coaching provides pastoral coaching to Millennial ministers.

Saddled with large student debt, just beginning to set up homes and start families, and serving in low paying first and second positions, Millennials are those who most desire but can least afford to pay for pastoral coaching.

So we offer it to them at NO COST: Our members do not PAY for coaching; they EARN it.

We are able to do so through the faithful and generous gifts of friends who want to see young leaders not only enter the ministry, but remain in the ministry. If you or your church would like to help Millennial ministers in 21 US states and 5 nations build strong for a lifetime in ministry, please click here to contact us by email or to support Journey monthly or with your one-time gift. Thank you.

We also invite you to click and subscribe to our twice-monthly blogs at journeypastoralcoaching.com

“In the early years when I was becoming a pastor, I needed a pastor.” 

 Eugene H. Peterson, The Pastor: A Memoir