Another Pastor Another Mistress
My heart sank. No, please, Lord, not another one.
Not another minister of the Gospel who surrendered his call to run off with a mistress.
He had such a great thing going. He and what he said was “the love of his life” were so happy together. Content. Fulfilled. And their love for each other was producing so much good in their family and circle of friends. When the two of them were together and tight, the sky seemed bluer, the world brighter. Not just to them, but for everyone in their sphere – the two of them radiated life.
How many years were they together? I can’t remember. Not enough.
How did he meet his new love interest? I’m not sure, probably through a friend.
Were there any signs of his heart straying? Looking back now, I can see them:
• The waning interest in the things that brought him and his love together;
• The increased number of evenings away from home;
• The emotional insensitivity and separation;
• Frequently comparing himself to others;
• An increased interest in appearance;
• No time for in-depth conversation;
• The references to his new love;
• No time for his family
• The excesses;
• The excuses;
• The fatigue.
In the early years, he couldn’t talk enough about the love of his life. He was consumed, fixated. Phrases like “changed my life” and “I’ll never be the same” poured from his lips. But then, like a switch, his conversation changed. I suppose he no longer found comfort in the one to whom he had once promised, with intense emotion and even tears, “I do;” and “I will.”
But then, he found another love.
THE MISTRESS
Who is she?
His church.
He’s run off with his church. He’s devoted his life to growing the numbers, building the brand, developing programs, creating events, enlisting volunteers, building teams, drawing people to gatherings, creating “engagements,” and even fixating on dressing up the building. He’s run away with his church.
He’s more focused on attracting people to his church than making disciples of Jesus Christ.
He values filling seats more than filling souls.
He says it’s all in the name of Jesus, but his day-to-day says otherwise:
• He neglects his own soul; he has only a faint pulse for spending time alone with God (Acts 20.28);
• His conversations center not on Jesus or making disciples of the Risen Lord (Matthew 28.18-20; Ephesians 4.11-16), but on growing his church;
• He has little time for the pastoral priorities of prayer and the Word (Acts 6.1-7);
• He doesn’t “work hard” or “labor” over feeding the flock of God with the Word of God (I Timothy 5.17); He buys his feed from others online; copying and pasting is easier than digging in study and prayer – why “toil” in the Word when there are more important church matters to see to;
• He is not systematically instructing his people in sound doctrine (Titus 1.9);
• He has no time to shepherd the flock of God entrusted to him (Acts 20.28; I Peter 5.1-5);
• He is concerned more with reputation than character, growing a following more than a faith community (I Timothy 3.1-7);
• He gives little thought to being an example of Jesus to the flock (I Peter 5.1-5);
• His mark is that of a leader rather than a shepherd after God’s own heart (Jeremiah 3.15);
This saved one has lost their first love for the Savior. (Revelation 2.4);
The undershepherd has lost his passion for the Great Good Shepherd (Psalm 116).
He has become a hireling (John 10.11-18): hired out to the idol of church growth.
Despite the fact that he was bought with a price (I Corinthians 6.19), the precious blood of Christ (I Peter 1.17-19).
Despite the fact that the Great Good Shepherd assures His blood-bought servant-undershepherd that it is He, the Head of the Church, who will build His Church (Matthew 16.18), as the pastor is faithful to shepherd the flock of God as disciples of Jesus Christ (see above).
While all this is sad, it is not the greatest sadness.
What is even more heartbreaking is that this pastor is not alone. He is just one among thousands of pastors across America who have left their first love to pursue the mistress of their church.
NEVERTHELESS
These pastors’ obsession with their mistresses has led to church weakness, not health.
Setting aside issues of sin and being conformed to this world, her lethargy and weakness are evident.
Seven disturbing data points on the spiritual health chart of the Church in America:
• A 2023 study found that 40 million people have left the church in the last 25 years – more than 4300 every day – and that over half of them are willing to come back; why aren’t they?1
• A 2025 study revealed that 45% of Christians did not attend church in the previous six months – almost 1 of 2 self-identified Christians are not regularly attending worship services;2
• A 2025 study disclosed that as few as 5% of church attenders pay tithes;3 a 2021 Barna study found that 40% of church attenders pay tithes;4 assuming a midpoint, less than 25% of church attenders are tithing, investing their income in the work of God in the Church;
• A 2024 study revealed that only 28% of believers are actively involved in a discipleship community; just 5% are discipling someone else; the overwhelming majority of believers are not practicing biblical discipleship;5
• A 2023 study found a continued decline in the belief that service is an essential element of discipleship.6 One study disclosed that two-thirds of adults (65%) say that people who volunteer in church regularly do not need to give financially; only 2 percent of adults strongly disagree;7
• A 2024 survey revealed that only 1 in 3 Evangelicals have a Christian worldview – worldview is set in an individual by the age of 13;89
• A 2024 survey found that large numbers of Evangelicals no longer agree with cardinal doctrines.10
PASTOR MOSES
Israel’s pastor, Moses, faced a difficult situation. God had called him to take a mass of slaves and transform them into one nation, the people of God, and to do it while they crossed a wilderness, a desert.
Although he devoted himself entirely to God first and then to the task God had given him, things did not go well for Moses. The people resisted his leadership. Worse, they challenged God. They complained about everything and had no faith in God, no trust in Him or His promises. Moses became weary in his efforts to lead Israel. Just as bad, his leadership approach was exhausting the people (Exodus 18.13-27).
Until Moses’ father-in-law, Jethro (a mentor), counseled him to stop being a leader who managed, but become a pastor who guided.
Jethro gave Moses sage counsel: share the leadership load so you can focus on the pastoral prerogative.
Yes, lead the people. But don’t do so first through administration. Rather, do it first through formation.
What did this counsel look like in the life of Moses and Israel?
Following the counsel of Jethro, Moses:
Entrusted to everyone what everyone could do Entrusted to many what many could do; Entrusted to some what only some could do; Entrusted to a few what only a few could do.
So that Moses could do what only Moses could do:
First, stand before God for the people – pray (v.19);
Priority One for the pastor is prayer and the God of the Word.
Second, stand before the people for God – teach (v.20);
Only after prayer is the pastor able to teach.
Third, stand between God and the people – lead (v.20);
Only after prayer and teaching God’s Word is the pastor able to lead the people, showing
them the direction they are to go and how they are to live (give them wisdom).
Fourth, stand aside (be led) – v.22;
Then the pastor is to do what only the pastor can do.
After appointing administrators over thousands, hundreds, fifties, and tens, Moses then gave himself to every pastor’s Job One:
“Now Moses used to take the tent and pitch it outside the camp, a good distance from the camp, and he called it the tent of meeting. And everyone who sought the Lord would go out to the tent of meeting, which was outside the camp. And it came about, whenever Moses went out to the tent, that all the people would arise and stand, each at the entrance of his tent, and gaze after Moses until he entered the tent. Whenever Moses entered the tent, the pillar of cloud would descend and stand at the entrance of the tent; and the Lord would speak with Moses. When all the people saw the pillar of cloud standing at the entrance of the tent, all the people would stand and worship, each at the entrance of his tent.” Exodus 33.7-10
When Moses went out from everyday life to seek the Lord, the people arose:
• They stopped what they were doing to stand and watch their pastor enter the presence of God.
• They stopped what they were doing to stand and watch God’s glory fall on their pastor.
• They stopped what they were doing to stand in wonder at what God was saying to their pastor.
• They stopped what they were doing to stand and worship the God of glory and wonders.
The glory of the Lord became a daily experience of the people of God as He formed them into one nation and led them across the desert to the Land of Promise.
One can only imagine the glory that would come over the church and fill the hearts of believers in Jesus Christ if pastors across America would return to their first love and calling: The Tent of Meeting – meeting with God – their own daily habitation.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Pastor, come home to your God. Part ways with your mistress and come back to your first love.
Turn your office back into a study and prayer room.
Like William Carey, learn the joy of wearing out the floorboards where your knees fall in prayer.
Like Jeremiah, be known as the weeping prophet as you weep, yes, for the wandering of the people of God, but first and foremost for the faithfulness and love of God (Lamentations 3.48-50).
Learn the way of Jesus as he turned away the crowds – and the opportunities – to spend nights in prayer with the Father.
Pastor, come home to the God who loves you.
The God who even now waits for you.
The God who waits to receive you. Embrace you. Weep over your return. Place his robe on your shoulders and His ring on your finger—feast in His presence with His eternal love and goodness.
Pastor, come home to the God who is even now calling you to come away and be with him.
Today and every day.
Pastor, it’s time to be done with your mistress.
It’s time to come back to your first love. It’s time to come back to Jesus.
- https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/podcasts/tgc-podcast/people-leaving-church/ ↩︎
- https://www.baptistpress.com/resource-library/news/nearly-half-of-u-s-christians-dont-attend-church-
state-of-the-bible-finds/ ↩︎ - https://www.vancopayments.com/egiving/asset-church-giving-statistics-tithing ↩︎
- https://theleadpastor.com/church-management/what-percentage-of-christians-tithe/?
__cf_chl_tk=Y5k8owNRWMhQ2_bho1tkw.3oC5QlHQ2OXprYE9Zq_cU-1756308497-1.0.1.1-
WsavhfhOLewg8SjeLKK3xKZszSO7vkga.duJwgLIyo8 ↩︎ - https://www.barna.com/research/christians-discipleship-community/ ↩︎
- https://2343950.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/2343950/The%20Unstuck%20Church%20Report_
Q4%202023.pdf?
utm_campaign=Unstuck%20Church%20Report&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=214879538&utm_content=2
14879538&utm_source=hs_automation ↩︎ - https://www.barna.com/research/volunteering-christians/ ↩︎
- https://www.arizonachristian.edu/2024/08/06/new-research-reveals-the-limitations-of-christian-
evangelicalism-in-american-society/ ↩︎ - https://www.arizonachristian.edu/culturalresearchcenter/research/ ↩︎
- https://georgebarna.com/2024/08/new-research-reveals-the-limitations-of-christianity-evangelicalism-in-
american-society/ ↩︎
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